The Day His Laughter Expired
by potatochip53
Summary: What if Remus Lupin never made it to Hogwarts? What if he never made it out of his childhood?


_"If only, if only." The woodpecker sighs,_

 _"The bark on the tree was as soft as the skies."_

 _While the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely_

 _Crying to the moon_

 _"If only, if only"_

He was only four years old when it happened. A bad decision. A single mishap that caused everything to go wrong. Remus Lupin was only four years old when he decided to explore the forest behind his house. The rising moon, a perfect circle, was simply a badly timed coincidence. It sent down clean white light that washed over Remus, shining on his brown hair and illuminating dark chocolate eyes. Just a little boy who was performing a rite of passage. His first rebellious act against his parents. Remus just wanted to splash around in the creek he had found a few weeks earlier. His parents wouldn't let him because they said he could get lost and the forest was scary. But Remus was a smart four year old.

He read books everyday. He could even tell direction from the stars! So Remus Lupin quietly slid out of his bedroom window and ran into the forest with a flashlight. It was so fun! The warm summer air surrounded Remus as he splashed in the cool water, feet slipping over wet stones in the creek bed. It was the most fun he ever had. Then, the air seemed to take a turn, a cool wind slicing through the water and causing the boy to shiver. Crickets stopped chirping and it seemed like even the leaves ceased to rustle. A bitter tinge of fear engulfed Remus's body. Later, he wouldn't be able to tell what happened next. All the traumatized little boy remembered was a flash of gray and a searing pain in his side. Then, waking up to a painfully bright fluorescent light and the harsh sterility of a hospital room, his parents faces hovering above.

At first, the doctor left it at an animal bite. But once Remus cried out after his mother's silver ring seared the skin off of his hand, the true diagnosis was clear. A werewolf bite. Known only to be transferred by a bite from said person in wolf form. There was no known cure for the curse known as lycanthropy. The doctor suggested to purchase a potion called Wolfsbane as it was known to keep the wolf docile during the full moon. Alas Remus's parents didn't have near enough money for even a single dose of the expensive potion. As a last resort, it was suggested that Remus be locked into a secure location every full moon.

He was kept in the hospital for only a few days. The boy tried his best to act like everything was normal and there was nothing wrong with him. Everything was ok until the full moon neared. Remus began to feel sick, vomiting and hosting an extremely high fever. The hospital refused to take him in as a result of the moon being much too close to complete. The transformation was agony. Remus shrieked as his bones were torn apart then fused back together and skin ripped and sprouted hair. Looking into a mirror, his eyes were now a cool, animalistic amber.

Afterwards, he grew even more sickly. At first the doctor chalked it up to the results of transformation that all werewolves eventually got used to. But Remus got worse and worse until he was admitted to the hospital. His parents hoped it was just a bad case of the flu made more grave by the weakened immune system that the first transformation caused. It was no use. The doctors ran all kinds of different tests. They ranged from many different types of unrelated blood tests to MRI's to EKG's. Finally, one doctor made a connection after comparing Remus's blood sample to another lycanthrope's.

Remus simply was not strong enough. The lycanthrope cells seemed to be attacking regular blood cells instead of simply bonding with them as expected. Leukocytes were majorly deteriorating as were the thrombocytes. With a decrease in those cells, Remus was getting sick more and more often and cuts and scrapes took much longer to clot. And, as there is no known cure, Remus was damned to sit and suffer as his body slowly ran itself into the ground. The doctor gave him less than a month to live and less than two weeks before requiring constant hospital supervision.

In the first two weeks, although he was still sickly, now five year old Remus vowed to try and do everything he'd ever wanted to do before being forced into the hospital. He splashed in the creek whenever he wanted. He flew his broom all around the backyard and made sure to jump on the bed whenever he could. Remus stayed up late reading books and watching movies on the telly. He ate Smores for breakfast and spent the entire day playing and doing things he knew he shouldn't like biking in the street and eating too much chocolate.

The night before the boy was to be sent into the hospital, he read books the entire night. When dawn came, Remus watched out of his window as the sun sent streaks of orange and pink and purple across the navy hued sky. In the hospital, he got his own room in the Intensive Care Unit. Remus filled it with books and his eyes lit up when he realized that he had his very own telly. But as the end of the month grew closer, the little boy grew quieter and less inquisitive. He didn't ask as many questions or watch as many documentaries on the telly. And his parents could only watch as their son slowly declined.

During the third week, Remus began having vivid dreams. There was a bad man without a nose and snake like eyes. He would glare at Remus then point a stick and green light would shoot out. There were people with scary black cloaks and hoods over their faces. They had marks on their arms with a snake and a skull. The five year old would wake up screaming and crying after he had those dreams. His parents comforted and reassured him that it was ok and it was just a dream. Remus understood that it was a dream but it had just seemed so, real.

When the fourth week came along and the month drew to an end, Remus was so pale. His brown hair hung limp into his face and dark chocolate eyes were now amber. It seemed as if this dreadful new figure had replaced everything that consisted of the old Remus Lupin. The only thing he would eat was chocolate. Said it made him feel warm inside. Safe. On the third day of the fourth week, Remus flatlined. His parents were terrified and crying and screaming for the doctors to please just save their little boy. When he was revived, Remus excitedly regaled the dream he had had to his parents. A dream of magic and wonder. Of how he saw a big castle and got to go to school there. And how he took so many amazing classes and how there was a feast everyday and there were even ghosts roaming the school! He said it had been called Hogwarts.

It was the second day of the second month when everything came crashing down. The room of Remus Lupin was filled with a steady continuous beep and the sound of clattering shoes and rushed voices as doctors and nurses rushed in. May 2nd, 1965. Remus had been asleep while it happened, dreaming. The funeral was held on the night of a full moon.

And although Remus Lupin died that night, he still lived on in his dreams. There were images of pumpkin juice and red and gold and laughter and warm chocolate and the glee that he finally belonged somewhere, flashes of glasses and long black hair. Brooms were zooming across the sky and he ran through the forest with a big black dog by his side. Tables were lit by warm candlelight and Remus could see stars on the ceiling. If only he hadn't been bitten. Then maybe he wouldn't have caused his parents so much pain. Maybe he'd still be alive. Maybe all of this would actually be real.

 _If only, if only, the moon speaks no reply_

 _Reflecting the sun and all that's gone by._

 _Be strong my weary wolf, turn around boldly._

 _Fly high, my baby bird._

 _My angel, my only_


End file.
